Connubial Connivance
Joseph Thompson
[Reprinted from an undated pamphlet, Simple Talks
on Taxation, published by the author]
Honey, I've just thought up a brilliant idea! How'd you like to
make over Fifty thousand dollars?
… "You're
not going to make some crazy investment, are you?
… Hey! Don't be so suspicious
of my financial genius!
… Well,
why did you ask such a silly question?
… Because there's a matter of
Fifty thousand dollars that you can get if you use my idea, or
lose, if you don't.
… What
do you mean?
… Well, you know that I had
Six hundred thousand dollars when we were married and that it
was all mine.
… Well.
… And you know that I'm one
of those robust, healthy fellers that often surprise their
families and friends by suddenly dropping dead.
… Don't
be silly.
… And if I drop dead, you'd
be my heir.
… I
hope so.
… And, as the Six hundred
thousand isn't community property, you'd inherit it from me.
… Oh,
let's not talk about you dropping dead.
… You're very sweet, to want
to quit, but just one word more. You'd have a whale of a tax on
the Six hundred thousand. Seventy-two thousand and fifty
dollars, to be exact.
… I
suppose so. But I don't see how it can be avoided.
… That's where your genius of
a husband comes in. I do. At least to the extent of Fifty-one
thousand, eight hundred dollars.
… Goodness!
Is there something that we ought to do?
… Sure. But you might think
it was a little drastic.
… If
it would save all that money, what is it that we ought to do?
… Get divorced.
… Get
divorced!
… Oh, I mean in a nice way,
of course. You'd go to Reno for a few weeks. I wouldn't contest.
We'd make a property settlement, and -
… What
on earth are you talking about?
… Dearest, it's this way. If
you inherit the Six hundred thousand now, the government is
going to hold you up for Seventy-two thousand and Fifty dollars.
But there is no tax on a property settlement. No matter what you
get from me, there's no tax on a property settlement.
… But
getting a divorce!
… Wait a minute. You will
demand a considerable sum - three hundred thousand dollars - it
might be that I will have to arrange to be caught in "flagrante
delicti" or whatever it is, so your demand would be big,
and I would submit rather than endure unpleasant publicity -
… Are
you crazy?
… Let me finish. Now there'd
be two estates, and when I die you'll only pay taxes on my
estate. That would be Twenty thousand, two hundred and fifty,
instead of Seventy-two thousand.
… Yes,
but we'd be divorced!
… Oh, that. It would only be
for a little while, then we'd re-marry, put our two estates in a
trust, and good, kind old Uncle Sam would make us a wedding
present of Fifty-one thousand, eight hundred dollars!
… Well,
I think your idea is horrid! And besides, when we re-married,
we'd be right back where we were before.
… No. We wouldn't. Between us
we'd have the Six hundred thousand, but one-half would be yours
and one-half would be mine. Then all I would have to do is die,
and you'd soon see the value of my idea.
… What
if I decided not to re-marry you?
… That is an unthinkable,
intolerable and untenable hypothesis! To begin with, you'd lose
over Seventy-two thousand dollars. Then, though broken-hearted,
I'd marry - someone else, of course. She and I would go through
the same routine - get divorced and remarry. It's as simple as
that!
… That
nice Mr. Willard lives in Reno, doesn't he?
… Yes. But why do you ask?
… Oh,
I don't know. Just wondering what I'd do up there, I suppose.
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